“Please stay with me tonight”

March 23, 2015

Please stay with me tonight

I lay beside you and embraced you tightly. I felt the heat of your flesh and
I saw in your eyes. Asking me to stay and go in the same second.
Your eyes shined like bright stars on a clear night. You whispered to me.
Dear Johnnie, you are so good and so kind. Too kind to a million mile woman who
body is tattooed and used.

I told my beauty. I have loved you for a long time. A kind of love that can wait and accept your journey. No clean people left. Just us trying to grasp at something good and worthwhile.
You turned away from me and told me. I don’t want love anymore. Payment is too costly and demands
what I don’t have anymore.

I turned to the small table, took the whiskey and handed the Jim beam whiskey bottle to my red hair beauty. Lit two cigarettes. Passed one to her and I told her. We are old. We have simple needs. Good whiskey and cigarettes.
We know the difference between love and sex. Two different places. Both demanding part of us. My dear, we know falling in love isn’t a fair game. I know when you were loving me. I was trying to escape. Today I’m here.

Once you gave me everything. I still see in sweet dreams our two bodies falling together finding perfection in sweet kiss and embrace. I escaped to fight war that could not be won. I never forgot your face, never forgot those blue eyes crying in the Winter storm as I left for war and left you with not enough words or promises.
I will understand if you release me. Once you wanted a gentle touch and I was searching for the wrong things. I’m sorry.

Sweet Jenny whispered. Please stay, dear Johnnie. I have always loved you. I tried to stop you from your game of Russian roulette. Dead memories blinded you and today. I’m blinded. Blinded by fear, disappointment and deeply engraved  scars.  You can stay and I won’t make any promises. Your eyes are different and my eyes too. We are travelers looking for utopia. Dear Johnnie, there is no utopia. Just me and you grasping at straws, hoping for a good ending.

Coyote/John Castellenas

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