NewYork City lights chapters 4-6

New York city lights

A Chapter by Coyote Poetry


Part four of my time in New York.


                                    New York city lights- The trip with Dorthy

I left Fort Dix, New Jersey on Thursday night. I promised Dorthy dancing and to visit her brother in Albany on Saturday. The Old Sargent in-charged liked me. I organized the unit’s books and I worked with the Unit to finish the inventory two days early. I worked two 15 hours day inputting the inventory number into the computer. He bought me many beers and we dranks on Wednesday before.  He thanked me often and he wished I could be station at Fort Dix. He gave me a four day weekend. I haven’t received any orders yet. I didn’t care. I enjoyed the East coast. The large cities gave me reasons to travel and write. The city had their myth and their ghost. Always a new place to wander off to. I like the drive on highway 95. The lights of the New York city tempted me from the distance.

I arrived at 8pm on Thursdays at Dorthy apartment. She was waiting. She was wearing short skirt and low-cut blouse, showing beautiful long legs and tempting breasts. She embraced me hard and she whispered to me. “Thank you Johnnie for coming. I took a vacation day for us to wander the city tomorrow and I want us to go dancing.” I smiled and I told her. Your wish is my command. She asked me was I hungry? I told her yes and I needed to relax. Old back is sore. Long day at work and long drive. She smiled and she told me. “I will bring some food and make you a hot bath dear Johnnie.”  She left me and she went to the kitchen. I took my journal out and I wrote a short poem.
Dear Dorthy
Please talk to me kind lady.
Make me wish for things I cannot have.
My Dorthy, I need your laughter.
I near you near.
You are sunshine and joy in my world of confusion.
Thank you dear Dorthy.
You are my beauty and my joy.

Dorthy brought the food to me and she went to the bathroom. Her hair was free and flowing as she walked toward the bathroom. She turned and she smiled.” I’m glad you like me. I need to feel needed.”  I ate the ham, potato and salad. I heard her singing to the song. “Eric Clayton, Tears in heaven.” Dorthy was a rare woman. Confident, beautiful and independent. I knew I was lucky to have found her. I knew I was leaving soon for unknown place. I didn’t attempt to go too far with her.  I knew. When you fall into a relationship with a amazing woman. Love will sting your heart forever.

Dorthy called me to the bathroom. Her large bathtub was filled with bubbles and hot water. I stripped off my clothing and climbed into the tub. She sat by the tub on her knees and she told me about her day. I loved watching her brown eyes. Her flowing auburn hair tempted me. I reached out to her face and rolled my hand through her hair. She got up and she went to the living room. She sat down and she read my journal. Tears fell from her eyes. Dorthy came to the tub and she stripped off her clothing and laid opposite of me in the bathtub. I was content to watch her strip down and she gave me a quick turn. Allowed me to see beautiful body and content smile. She was a perfect woman. Her curved were of a woman. Her body with peaks and valley. Men would dream of, forever.

Her feet laid in my lap and  I caressed her legs and feet. She asked me. “Do you want to go with me to see my brother. If you don’t. I would understand.”  I looked at her serious looking brown eyes and I told her. I want to go with you to Albany to see your brother. I know sometime we need a friend to face hard situations.  She whispered. “Thank you Johnnie. I’m scared of my brother. He came back angry and so hateful. He almost killed his friend at a bar in Boston. He didn’t sleep and drank non-stop. He came here to New York city. Police called me. He didn’t know his name and where he lived. What did the war do to him? Are you okay Johnnie? They took him to the V.A in Albany.”  I told her. I’m okay. Each of us handle situation differently. War didn’t effect me like other people. I had a okay job in the Army. The people involved in the combat can be affected. I wasn’t in a combat function. If you killed another. Some people can live with it and some people cannot. What did your brother do?
She looked at her feet and she told me. “I don’t know. He won’t talk about it. He didn’t drink or do drugs till he joined the service. He was different. He didn’t talk or laugh anymore. When we were kids. We did everything together. He loved to laugh and clown around. I pray nightly for him to come back.” I told her to turn around and I would wash her back. I slowly washed her back and shoulders. I cupped her breasts and I told her. Men do heal and they need family, love and concern. Dear Dorthy. This is all we can do.

The song of Amy Grant ” Good for me” started playing and she asked. Please dance with me now. I reached for the towel and I dried her off slow and easy. She did the same and she dropped the towel on the ground. She embraced me and we danced slowly to the easy songs on the New York city radio. She kissed me and I returned the kiss. I asked her. Dear Dorthy. I’m leaving soon. I don’t want us to go to places that are not possible? She smiled and she told me. “Love come when love want, we cannot control the want of love. I love you Johnnie. You are kind and gentle. You look at me with eyes of appreciation and love. I need to know this now. Let’s worry about tonight. We cannot control tomorrow.”

Me and Dorthy laid in her bed. Her nude body connected to my body and with long sweet kisses leading us to places of no return. I embraced her tightly till the morning light. I whisper when I thought she was asleep. I love you sweet Dorthy. She whispered. I love you honey too.
John Castellenas/Coyote


The New York city lights-the night—Chapter five

A Chapter by Coyote Poetry


Another chapter.


                                   The New York city lights-the night

I held Dorthy tightly. My face in her hair,  her hair smelled of the Spring flowers.  I felt her sadness as she grasp my hands tightly near her stomach. She was hiding pain and tried to be strong for herself and her brother. I knew her sadness. I buried two brothers who committed suicide and I joined a war to find the good death. I learn when wrapping the Iraq soldiers in body bags after Death Valley. Every second of life is worthwhile. These frozen bodies would celebrate another day of life with family and friends. Dorthy was in peaceful sleep and I arose from the bed and I went to the living room and wrote some poetry.

Men do shameful things.

No excuse for torture in war or peace.

The horrid of war should leave us weak.

Sacrifice of people and cities is acceptable?

Are we shackles and blinded?

We have Iranians, Iraq and Koreans people living in the USA.

Just men and woman trying to exist in the craziness.

Now internal problem in the world.

In Iran killing men and woman demonstrating.

Being killed for their view and wanting change.

No sanity anywhere.

We live in a world.

Where human shields are necessary in Palestine.

Africa need aid of food and medicine.

Interference and humanitarian are necessary.

Need to quit selling guns to rabid leaders.

Time to cry out.
Enough of the useless bloodshed.
Gather the leaders of this world.
Create a plan and do it.

Soldiers are killing for leaders.
Who are
Impotent and hostile toward peace.
Inflamed with hate.
Blinded with self goals.

What can we do?

Doing nothing is not the answer.
Being entrenched and malinger in a cave.

We may wake up one morning.
Your child will ask you.

What happen?

Call your Congressman and Senator.
E-mail the president.
Create friendship with other people in other countries.

What men do?

For deceitful and cold-hearten men.
Must stop.

Just and human leaders are needed.

Humble and sensible men are needed.

Pray for peace.

Pray for freedom.

Pray our children can have a fair chance.

Pray the Wars and hate can fade away to children
scary stories.

The whore bath

Large shining teeth.
Telling me the way to heaven.

I will find my way to paradise by the gift to his christian cause.
His teeth seem to shine brighter.

His mumbling of a thousand words.
Leave me feeling dirty.

I get a damp cloth and wipe away the words of a greedy man.

The captain tells me.
” I own you. ”

“You do what I say.
Even  to death.
I’m in-charge.”

I try to wander away.
But he keeps speaking.

I feel dirty and go to the latrine.
I get a damp cloth.

Another whore bath in a life where the words are eating away at my soul.

I sit in a classroom.
The instructor asked me?

If I was ordered to kill.
Would I?

I tell him I would kill him first.
But my words become weaker with each second the instructor speaks.

He shower me with his blood song and I began to understand.

The sweat pours down my face and I go to the bathroom.

One more whore bath for a man drowning in useless words.
Forced to accept for a few pennies.

Beliefs only a mercenary could believe.

Maybe if I was a high paid whore.

I could live with the things I must do.

But nothing as bad as a cheap whore.


My sister told me. “You  have changed.
She told me. “You saw too much shit and your mind and eyes are cold..

I told her,.
“War isn’t personal.
You do what you are told. Try to forget and move on

 I kissed her forehead.
I told her. “War was easy.
This world falling apart around me.
I don’t know what to do.?
That the crazy shit I don’t understand.”

Up in the morning before five.
We don’t need no sunshine.
 Organization, discipline, three  square meals a day.
 Old SGT. say. “It will be all OK.

Young boss at work asked me too many questions.
 I told  him it is not for him to understand.

When you stand tall at attention. Salute a M-16, boots and helmet of a dead soldier.
You join a club.
The soldiers that lived must carry on with their buddies stories and memories.
Drink a beer on the day of their friends death. Can’t allow them to be forgotten.

Lying on cold ground.
 Waiting for a hidden enemies.
 You slapped your magazine to insure it is loaded right.
 You light up a cigarette and hope all things will be alright.

Going to Iraq with my gun.
Going to kill some Iraqi sons.

 Generals sent Division of soldiers.
Names don’t matter.
Reaching for more stars.

Mama and Papa sit by the phones.
Wife and family pray for the day their soldier come home safe and sound.

Soldiers talk about kids and woman.
Takes up most of our time.

No-one talks of dying.
 Ain’t no race or religion.
 Protect your friend back and he watched your back.

Soldier do right and wrong things.
A lucky man can walk away from  all the shit and forget.

The shadow of war find you one day.

 I stood with  a mother of my friend killed in Iraq.
  She  held me up.
 I saluted her son’s gravestone.

I go to the corner bar with other Veterans.
Drink to friends not here and missed.

Maybe baby sister is right.
The shadows are always with me.


Young black man.
22 year old.
He sat alone and ate alone in the mess hall for many days.
I watched him and wondered why?

I knew great pain and understood his face and eyes.

I started to sit with him.
He said nothing for many meals.
Other Soldiers said he was crazy.

One morning at breakfast.
He looked at my eyes direct.
He told me.
“Some of the poor men were still alive at Death valley. They were still breathing.
Pieces of bodies speaking in a foreign language. I held so many of them. All I could do is listen.”

His eyes filled with tears. He asked me.
“Was there any purpose for this war?”

I looked at his sad eyes. I told him.
“You did all you could. Mercy of someone hearing your last words allow the poor men to move to the next place with the vision a kind heart. Not the bloody shit of war.”

He got very quiet for a time. He whispered.
“All I see is death and blood in my dreams. I can’t see any good in my life now. What can I do?'”

I took him to Virginia beach. Not many people in the late months of winter.
I made him drink many long Island ice teas.
We drank till we could barely see anymore.

We wandered down to the Virginia shoreline.
He watched the Atlantic dance on the shore.

He turned to me. Asked me? “What the fuck are you trying to do to me?
Why don’t you leave me alone?

I passed the whiskey to him.
I told him. “We have been lied to. No-body care if people live or die. We were just mercenaries for money and oil. Let’s scream to the Gods. Lets scream into the wind. Tell the world to f-off. Then maybe we can find the mercy to forgive ourselves.”

He gave me a big smile. Told me. “You are damn crazy.”

He stood up and started to run down the ghostly night beach.
Screaming and crying.
He ran into the sea.
Yelling ‘kill me, end my bloody life.”

I swear I saw someone with him.
I tossed my wallet to the sand.
I went into the cold sea to get him.
He was waiting for me.

I wrapped my arms around him.
He smiles and told me. “I’m Okay.
I know I must forgive myself.

He turned and looked me in the eyes.
He whispered. “Thank you for the mercy of your friendship. No-one came when I was alone and afraid. I prayed for forgiveness. You forced me to face my life.”

He looked at the morning sun rising from the east. Told me. “I’m done with the Army. I won’t touch a gun or hurt another person.”

A month later at the Greyhound bus station he was going home. I went to shake his hand. He grabbed me and gave me a bear hug. Kissed my forehead. He told me.
“Mama will heal me with her love. Baby sister will insure I’m alright. And I remember your face and what you gave me.  You gave mercy to a man in need.”
I finished writing the last poem and I looked up and Dorthy was watching me. Standing near and quiet. She took my journal and read the words. She fell into my lap and begin to cry. I cried with her. She told me. “I’m scare to see my brother. He told me to leave him alone the last time I saw him. I hope he will see me? I whispered. Dear Dorthy. Your brother need you. You must fight for love. We will love and die for the need of love, my love. People who had swim in shit need kindness and words of concern. Loneliness is the true killer. I’m thankful for you Dorthy. You have helped me and I will try to help you. She kissed me and she rose-up and took my hands. We wandered back to her warm bed.

At breakfast. Dorthy told me. “Today I have great plans for us. We are going to the Nuyorican Poet cafe and we will dance at the Copacabana. In the daylight. We will roam the Central park and find you taverns. Drink Irish beer and whiskey. Today I want to laugh and dance. Tomorrow very early. We will take the train to Albany. I feel it will be okay my Johnnie. As long as you are with me.” I kissed her many times. I kissed her neck and cupped her breasts. I whispered. Your wish is my command.
John Castellenas/Coyote

The New York city lights- A New York day—Chapter six

A Chapter by Coyote Poetry


Just words


                                  The New York city lights–A New York day–chapter six

Dorthy dressed lightly. A long dress and sweater only. New York city was blessed with an Indian Summer.  I watched her rushing through the apartment.    Gathering water and snacks. I went to her and I told her. Slow down honey, we don’t need to rush. The day is young and I’m here till Monday night. I need your company. You are my New York dream. My only wish is to be with you.  She smiled and embraced me tightly. She whispered. “We must leave early. Miss the other New Yorker rushing to their work. I want us to have lunch by the river.”

We took the bus to Central Park. New York city is a amazing city. The Central Park can blind you from the millions of people working in the city. Dorthy held my hand and she dragged  me to the river. She tossed down a blanket and we sat down. She asked me. “What if my brothers won’t see me? I went last month. He wouldn’t see me.” I saw tear rolling down her face  and I told her. I will talk with him if necessary. I have known soldiers who had struggled. I believe sometime a soldier need another soldier ear. Hard to understand things if you don’t understand them. Every man is different. Some of us are made of steel  and some men are easy to break. Their mind and heart like glass, need time to heal. You must keep on trying. Love,concern and kindness is the medicine for a broken man.”

Dorthy came to me and I embraced her tightly. We sat on the blanket and we watched the river move for  hours in needed silence.  Many people were at the park. The Indian Summer day brought out the people who were not working.  Dorthy asked me. “Are you hungry?”  I told her. I want the Lombardi’s Pizzeria and the promised Irish whiskey and beer at Chumbley’s speakeasy. She smiled and she told me. “This shall be our day and tonight I will take you to the Nuyorican Poet cafe and we shall go dancing at the Copacabana. Open mic tonight at the Nuyorican Poet cafe and I want you to read some poetry.”

We were served by the same old Italian woman Lily. She caressed my head and she told me. “You want the famous pizza soldier?” I told her. I want the best pizza served in New York and I’m here. She smiled and left. She brought some red wine and bread. Dorthy watched with a big smile holding my hand tightly. She asked. “I hope I’m not a burden for you? You could be traveling the East Coast and you are with me.” I reached over and I kissed her and I told her. You are a man’s dream. A Irish beauty who had blessed me with her time and kindness. I’m a lucky Michigan boy to have found a Angel. She whispered . “Thank you.”

After we ate went to Chumbley’s speakeasy. A old Irish man saluted me and thanks me for my service. He told me his name was Dan and offered his hand. I told him my name was Johnnie and the lady with me is a New York beauty name Dorthy. He told Dorthy. Good to meet you miss and soldier. When did you get back? I told him three week ago. He smiled and he told me. First drink is on me. I’m a old Marine and a Korean war vet. What is your killer today? I told him. A double shot of Irish whiskey and a cold Irish beer. He brought us the drinks and he saluted me. I saluted back and he raised a drink of the Irish whiskey to the sky and he said. Fuck the damn wars and let’s drink the whiskey and dance. Me and Dorthy downed the whiskey and I ordered more. No-one was in the bar at 2 am. Dan put on some country music and he asked to dance with Dorthy. We were ten shots in the wind and she agreed. I watched her laugh and dance. I knew she hadn’t laugh in a long time. Dan stopped dancing and he told me. Soldier front and center. Your time to dance with the pretty lady. I rose-up and I went to Dorthy. The song Randy Travis song was playing -Forever and ever, amen. Dorthy laid her head into my chest and I told her. Thank you for the good day my sweet heart. She pulled my face to her face and she kissed me hard and sweet.

John Castellenas/Coyote