“Trying to lose your memory”


Trying to lose your memory

A Poem by Coyote Poetry

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Old poetry written in 1992

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                       Trying to lose your memory

I tried to find peace and calm in the coffee houses of Monterey, drinking strong coffee and reading dead-end poetry at the nightly poetry readings. I thought I was safe. 2500 miles from your memory. I sat in the Irish Taverns drinking the strong whiskey and heavy beer trying to erase your face from my heart and memory. Even the ocean beauty and power left me wishing to have you near and hear your voice again.

I left California. Landed in Reno. I played the tables and I drank the free drinks. There are beautiful woman near me. Auburn hair and blue eyes made me feel weak, brought  back  old nightmares of never knowing peace.

I left Reno and I went to New York city. I wrote poetry all day and waited for the dark. I like the New York city night life. They asked no questions and allowed the night to take you to better places if you are lucky. They left a man seeking reason and purpose to his own demise. The bar Poets told me. Ain’t no peace or answers in the whiskey glass or dead-ends roads. You must face the demons and move on. We drank and sang the old songs.

“Ain’t no sunshine when you are gone. Ain’t no sunshine when she is away.”

I went back to Michigan and I waited for you on your porch. You saw me and ran to me. Wrapped your arms around me you asked  me. Where you been baby? You didn’t call. I thought bad things happen to you and  I tried to find you.
Everyone said you went mad.

I told her. I thought you didn’t need me anymore. I was drowning in sadness, trying to kill your memory off with booze and beer. It didn’t work and  I have landed a stranger upon your steps, hoping for a second chance.

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Sweet Jenny kissed me once than twice. She whispered. Life is a circle of pain and joy. We must try to find tenderness and laughter. You were my savior once. Please allow me to save you. Please come into my home and we can find the place where love can grow.

Coyote/John Castellenas
Written in 1992

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