“Jennifer”


Jennifer

A Poem by Coyote Poetry

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Just words. I found the poem in a 25-year-old journal. Had to re-written.

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  Jennifer

I called my Jennifer from the pay-phone in downtown Monterey in early Spring 1992.  She had been haunting my memories and I needed to hear her voice.

She came here last January from Michigan. We walked the city of Monterey, drank Irish coffee and we held hands like forever lovers. She pretended we had hope and chance. I knew from her sad eyes, when the plane left the ground for her home. I was alone.

Jennifer answered with a surprise and I told her. I needed our last words to be good words. I didn’t want a empty-ending without a proper goodbye. She was my world for 5 years and love will bleed to no ending when the doors were never closed.

She held silence and she answered. “Dear Johnnie. You wanted the world. I’m with a woman with a child and I’m not free to roam and discover the wild world. I was a dead weight for you. My screw-up life would have dragged you down with me.”

I told her. You would never be a burden for me. I will give you the world if I could, but I’m okay dear Jenny. In Monterey I’m coming alive gain. I suicide the big storms of Winter, almost was killed. I have been free-climbing the western coast. Testing my limits. Everything I do. I wish you were with me.

Jenny voice became sad. I knew she had to say goodbye and she told me. “I’m glad you are reaching your dreams. You were locked-up here in Michigan. Now you know the taste of freedom. Please live for me too.”

I told her. Jennifer, please come to Monterey. Come walk with me on the pier of Monterey, let’s find the place of love again.  Let’s sing and dance on the bay and find new hope and joy. We can rebirth old dreams and create new ones. Please come to me and become like children with love, walk barefooted on the sand and built sand castles together. Let’s drink sweet wine and find our laughter again. You can find your hunger to love and laugh again with me in Monterey. We can sit with your daughter Tiffany and watch the sun fall into the sea nightly.

Jenny laughed at my words and she told me. “Johnnie, you are too sweet and forgiving. I loved you once. Was a young heart who was protected by you. Today. I’m bury in things I can’t control. I can’t come to Monterey dear Johnnie. I have traveled too far to know peace.”

I whispered. Monterey is so beautiful and alive. Please come to Monterey and I can help you. I need to see you one more time. I need to see your face and to hear your words. Today you have fear and maybe you can learn to know happiness and joy again.

Jenny told me. “I can’t come to Monterey. You have found the proper way to live. I have accepted my self-made prison. We held love once Johnnie. Love cost plenty and I don’t have anything left. I love your memory and kindness. It is time for you to leave me behind. Please enjoy Monterey for me and don’t kill yourself. I love you Johnnie and good-bye.

I sat by the Seaside beach. I watched the sea dance with the rise of the midnight moon. I said a silence prayer. Please lord take care of Jenny and Tiffany.
John Castellenas/Coyote

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