The Poet’s love-struggle and understanding

The Poet’s love- struggle and understanding.

A Chapter by Coyote Poetry


For Susana Chavez Castillo- A honored poet. Killed for her true words.


The Poet’s love-struggle and understanding.

Paloma watched Johnnie at the Trujillo festival.  He looked so tire now. Once a strong and brave soldier who lived and he would have died for her. He protected and saved her life twice. She remembered he left the service and stayed with her in Trujillo for six months in 2011. This was five years ago. They found each other six times. Each time she needed him and he would come to her. Demanding nothing and loving her when she felt worthless and dead. Now she knew. She would never leave him again. Johnnie looked at Paloma and he saw tears falling from her brown eyes. He went to her and he kissed her tears away and he whispered. I love you my beautiful Paloma and I will survive. I saw hell and back many times. Nasty cancer can’t kill me my love. Only the good die young. She asked him to leave the Trujillo festival.

They arrived at the American Motel. Johnnie stripped down to his boxer shorts and he tossed the blanket to the ground. Eighty plus degrees this night. Paloma goes to the bathroom. She washes her face and she cries alone. She remember she wouldn’t stay with Johnnie. The Mexican police stole a part of her and she rejected his offer five times. She had known love and she never gave anyone 100%. Johnnie always kept in contact. He found work he liked and he worked and he saved his money. She released her Summer dress of flowers and she inventoried her body. She liked her curved and her breasts still stood without need of bra. She laughed at herself and she went to him.

She walked nude and proud to the corner of the room and she brought four books to him.  He smiled watched her perfect legs and tender body with great pleasure. She tossed them on the bed and she smiled. I begin writing again in Spain because of you. After you saved me in Mexico the second time, I told you. I would never write again or be published. I blamed myself for putting myself in peril and you and Leo. You told me often. You would never kill and for me. You did terrible things and you murdered 12 men. She fell upon the bed and he caressed her scars on her back. He kissed the scars and he told her. Life is hard and we must learn. Treasure the good days and forget the bad. She looked at him and she whispered. Those scars kept me from loving anyone. I left you five times and I know I broke your heart five times. Johnnie smiled and kissed her often and he picked-up the books. He looked at each one. Each book with 40 poems each and each dedicated to her friends. One book was for Leo, one book for Lawrence and two book for Johnnie. He touched the title of the book called. “The Poet’s love”. For Johnnie, my true love.

He open the book and he read four poems aloud from the book.

———————-Hills and valleys
Lovely man with the heart of gold.
He wouldn’t allow me to fall alone.
His faithful heart took the darkness of life away from me.
He smoothe my mind and heart with gentle song and kind words.
He sweet kisses and tender hands made me feel alive.
Even when I was cold and silent.
He loved me.
His love demanded little and he wanted only for me to sing and laugh again.

———————-Drink of me
I was dying and wanting death.
Dear soldier with kind voice and gentle hands sang to me.
“My pretty senorita.
Life is long and the wine is plenty.
No night for dying my beautiful Paloma.
Your body will heal and your heart will learn peace one day.
Drink of me. Steal my laughter and hope.
Yesterday is gone and today you shall heal.
Stand tall and proud without fear.”
I told him. Something cannot be fixed or be healed.
He kissed my hands and fingers.
He whispered.
Dear Paloma. You ain’t dead yet.
Ain’t defeated yet.
Write a storm to be told and please tell the world.
Better to be fearless and to stand for the weak.
You did great things.
You had saved the helpless children.
Bleeding for the right must be done.
Better to live for something then die for nothing.


——————————The Poet’s love
Dear Poet.
You are my life-giving blood.
You have saved me and I’m blessed to be able to look into your hazel eyes.
You taught me.
Love is life and life is love.
I was going to exiled life and give-up.
You wouldn’t allow me to die.
You made me understand, we must endure pain to know sweetness.
We must know lost to know victory.
I’m the Poet’s love and thankful.”

———————— Forever

Tattered heart and mind always knew.
Dear Johnnie.
You were my shelter and protection in the wild world.
I have loved you for 20 years.
You bled and killed for me.
You wouldn’t allow me to die.
You gave me all your love to me and you accepted little.
You whispered to me often.
You are my muse and you show me the fruit of love.
I have loved no-one but you since the days of Trujillo.
Today dear Johnnie.
You are faraway from me and when I found you again.
I won’t betray my heart again. We will live and die together.
I won’t allow you to leave my life.
You and I.
By the veil of the sea.
We will undress our fear and we shall become one.
I love you my Johnnie

Johnnie brought he closer and his tears fell. Paloma touch the tears with gentle hands and she whispered. I will never leave you. Here in Trujillo, in Michigan or in Spain. I want us to grow old and be silly together. We have run away too often. This is our time. You and I. Me and you. He brought her closer and he told her. After I and Leo saved you the second time in Mexico.  I would have die if you gave-up and died. I stayed with you for six months. Remember you begged me to stay. I went back to Mexico and did bad things. If someone hurt you. I wanted revenge. I believe my heart is cold now dear Paloma. Paloma kissed him a hundred times and she cried. She told him. I made you drown in blood and I’m loaded with hidden memories and pain. I went back to Mexico the second time for Susana Castillo. I had to do a final goodbye. You told me to wait and I was capture again. I’m so damn sorry for being foolish.  Johnnie cupped her breasts and he put his face into her hair. He told her. I loved you for your bravery.  You were fearless and hard-headed. You followed your heart.  She smiled and she whispered. Together we will find peace. I’m the Poet’s love and I know. No-one can hurt me no-more. Please stay with me forever. Johnnie brought her closer and he whispered. I will never leave you again my love.

John Castellenas/Coyote