‘You saved me’

You saved me


You have saved me


I remember sitting alone. Holding two brothers photos.
Suicide was their escape from the cold and heartless world.


Two Ojibwa/Mexican boys who saw no road except death as peace.


I caressed my 30-30 rifle.
I didn’t see any reason to keep going.
Their death laid heavy on my soul.


The phone started to ring. I answered the call.


An old voice with kindness. My Grandmother begin to speak to me to me.
“We miss and love you baby. I want to see you. The family need you. Are you Okay? Grandma need her baby boy alive and strong.”


I hung the phone up.
I put the 30-30 in the closet.
My Grandmother knew somehow I needed the kind words. She saved me.













I was drinking myself to death,
I lost my first true love,
I saw no reason to give a shit.


My friends were not helping in Germany.
Drinking was our peace.


My time in Germany was getting short.
I decided to say goodbye to my old lover.


I went to her,
I found her crying.


She yelled at me.
Told me he is dead. Are you happy?


I told her I knew nothing and I was sorry.
I held her for three days.

I brought her good whiskey and food, caressed her face and head like a child.
Insured she was Okay.


She asked “Why was I being kind to her?
I wasn’t kind to you.”


I kissed her forehead.
Silence was my answer.
I came to her for a goodbye.
I tried to save her.
Somehow I saved myself too.












Life is a fair journey. We must love and protect our family and friends.
Kindness bring kindness. Forgiveness need time and a lot of love.


We must be saved and we must return the kindness.


Laughter is life. We must hold on to it.

March 2011