The sinner’s prayer

The sinner’s prayer


My father believed, if he went to church on New Year eve. All sins would be forgiven. Father, old soldier, drinker and hell raiser. I pray, a place for men, who did not know peace. Only violence and confusion.


I told my children. They must pray for me. I have did the seven deadly sins. Maybe, our children must pray for us for us to find some sort of peace. I followed my father’s footsteps, served hateful and blood thirsty government, drank and I played the soldier well.


I found Idyllwild, California. I roamed the mountain and I burned sage for my father.


I know, things done, can’t be forgotten. Words spoken, can sting our heart and create permanent separation. I learn my Ojibwa grandmother wisdom. Don’t hold on to hate. Hate and regret is a heavy load to carry. We must forgive and remember.


Today my 60 journals remind me. I wasn’t kind to many when I was young. Bad karma made me learn. Lead with kindness, concern and listen. Today I remember faces, I remember I was a foolish man. I learn too late, you shall pay for every deed, good or bad.


The God of life and death led me to my proper place. I was part of six children lives and a kind woman accepted me as-is. I am not like my father. I know, repetition of the seven deadly sin. You won’t find forgiveness, liar’s heart will taste hell one day.


I burn the sage by a place of perfect beauty, acres of free forest, the sun above me. I whispered, Thank you Idyllwild for the blessing of the trees, the free land and the clean air. I am here to pray for my father. I pray, he found peace in death, he rarely knew in life. I ask one day when I am done. Accept a sinner, who tried his best.


“The sinner’s prayer


Forgive me for I have sins often,
please lord of life and death.
Accept me, as-is.


I did my best,
the devil kiss made me dance on fire and coal.
Please lead me to the right places,
where I can know peace and calm.


Teach me,
all things fall into proper place.


Old age made me wiser and today I stand by your perfect beauty.
Thank you for the sun,
thank you for the forest and the great sea,
thank you for my children,
thank you for my good health.


I am a sinner and I would understand,
like father, I followed the hell-board path.
Thank you for your time.”


Today my children pray for me. I know the wealth of a man is what he leave behind. My children and grandchildren are my blessing. I give them, what I didn’t know. A safe place to rest. Life is lesson and more lesson. My wisdom I share is, lead with concern, kindness and listen to the people, you love. Never say negative words to another. Enough negative in this world for the people who are struggling. Be the open door when needed and the kind words of hope when needed. Love my friend, kind love. We need to share and spread. Hard life for many.

Dancing Coyote