“I knew how to sing once dear Julie

I knew how to sing once dear Julie


Once I believe in love and I believed in the ambrosia of forever.
When I drink my coffee late at night and I write. Sweet memories come alive and I remember you dear Julie.
“Damn the anger
Once we were the fortunate ones. Lady love blessed me with you and I knew.
Dear Julie. You saved my life and you would be the love of my life.


We were babies in love and you loved to dance and sing.
I remember, you and I.
Dancing on the Michigan snow and we allowed love to flourish and grow.


You were my sugar and spice and everything nice.
You saw my real face once time.
The anger wasn’t toward you and I saw in your face.


I learn later. You knew anger. Your father abused your mother.
I allowed you to depart my life without a struggle.
I knew, I had my father’s eyes and his anger.
Kind and sweet Julie,
she saw the demon and ran from me.”
Julie was becoming a nurse and I wanted one reason to be alive. Twenty years later  at a 7-11. I saw her. Her hair was still long and her beautiful face still gentle and kind. I tried to hide by the beer section and she turned toward me. I saw her face turn lonely and sad. She whispered. Johnnie, please come to me. I went to her and we held a long embrace and she asked. Johnnie, what happen to you? Your friends said you disappeared off the earth. I told her.


I found my place. I escape to new places, lousy wars and I’m still serving in the Army. Her eyes became sad and she asked. You hated war and once you wanted to save our world. What are you doing? I watched her speak. I remember her and I remembered us. We went to my truck, drank 7-11 coffee and I showed her one of my poems for her.

“Dear Julie
I knew love once,
a Michigan beauty.
We love to talk and talk some more.
She were going to be a nurse, assist and help people.
I was going to stand for the weak, homeless and the poor.
Somehow my lady of sweetness and kindness did okay.
I accepted my ugly face and forgot who I was.


I knew love once.
I hold 20 love letters from dear Julie and I remember.
I was her honey wine and she was my kind muse.
Today shadows of her beautiful face and kind words.
Still haunt me.

Dear Julie.
You were right,
angry men will always know anger.
Some of us,
born to fight till we cannot.”


Soft tears fell from her beautiful brown eyes and she told me. I didn’t leave you Johnnie. You left me. You were going to save the world with your poetry and tale. I was told. You traveled the world and you never returned. I became a nurse and lived in Chicago till my mother got sick. Now I help the soldiers at the V.A Hospital in Detroit. I pray never to see you there. I told her. The irony of a life. We shall deny love and accept less. I watched her beautiful eyes and I whispered to her. I hope you are happy and content dear Julie. She smiled and she laughed,  she whispered divorced and one child.


We held hands till the silence over took us. I told her. You are more beautiful today than yesterday Julie. She asked me. What are you doing now? I looked at the midnight moon and I told her. I will be leaving for Fort Hood tomorrow and I’m writing. I became the dark poet. The wishy-washy man who read poetry and he sing his words now to strangers at the coffee shops.


Me and dear Julie held long embrace and she whispered. Please Johnnie don’t die for a country that had forgotten us. I never forgot you dear Johnnie. You were my dreamer and I was your forever love. I have the poems you wrote me still.


I watched her drive away and I did a silence prayer. Dear Lord. Please take care of a kind and sweet angel for me.
John Castellenas/Coyote