The kind Gods took me from war to you dear Monterey. I joined wars to try to die the proper death. Suicide, I couldn’t do. War didn’t want my death. The mercy of the Gods and dear Monterey took me to the paradise of the Pacific ocean.
I loved the sea. I befriended her and I tried to drink myself to death near her. In early January of 1993. Dear Elena, a Monterey Poet and California natural beautiful woman followed me to the Monterey bay. I had two bottle of Jack Daniel’s whiskey and the night was still young. She came to me and she asked. Dark Poet, what are you doing? I saw perfect coffee brown eyes and I told her. I’m okay dear Elena. I’m just finishing a job I must finish.
I knew her. She was always kind to me. Always showing concern and holding my hand at the Monterey Tuesday poetry open reading. I befriended her and I kept my distance. She asked me often. Are you okay my soldier friend? If you need someone to talk to. Please talk to me.
She opened the bag and she saw the whiskey and she asked. Will you find peace in the whiskey dreams? Dear dark poet. You must forgive what you have done. All of us have sins and all of us. Must learn. To forgive the face looking back at us in the mirror. I handed her a poem and she read the words.
“Drinking, bleeding and dying.
Living, trying and failing.
Lying, crying and anger.
What is left?
Old dreams had turn to dust, new dreams seek the sea.
Today I remember the face of laughter.
Old man had accepted the quiet death.
Slow and deadly.
Elena, The California beauty looked at me and she told me. Old memory and the drink isn’t your wealth. You must forgive your bad deeds and find something to make you laugh and sing again. She reached into the bag, opened the bag and she took the two bottles of whiskey to the sea. She opened them and she dumped them in the sand.
I went to her and I asked. What is my value? I left only death and sadness behind me. My heart is cold and lifeless. She came to me and she wrapped her arms around me. Please walk with me, please talk with me. Tonight we go to Pacific Grove and I will make you some rosemary tea and honey. We can sit in silence or we can talk till the dawn. You and I will walk to the cliffs of Pacific Groves and we shall watch the whales swim by.
I looked at her eyes and I brought her closer and I whispered. I’m not worth saving. She touched my face with tender fingers and she whispered.
You are worth something to me. You read and edit my work. You treat me with respect and kindness. I feel beautiful in your eyes and you demand nothing. I want you to know.
“Love, can be sweet.
Love, can be bitter.
Life can be hard and life can be easy.
You and I.
We have found common ground.
I will try to save you and maybe you can save me.’
At 7 am. Two people holding hands, drinking rosemary tea with a lot of honey. Waiting for the whales to swim by.