Once we held hands and we talks of the great escape. We drank expresso coffee and we walked on the Monterey pier. I savored your sweet voice and I remember. I held you like you were my love in the Winter storms of the Pacific in 1993.
Lonely days compelled us to fall together. Your husband was off making money and you needed the comfort of a kind voice, tender hands. I was the dark poet seeking death in drink and war. You, were the writer of lover’s tales and fantasy.
You saved me and I tried to save you. You took me to the California mountains. We found a salvation in the city of Idyllwild. We hiked into the deep forest and we talks till the sun fell into the sea. You taught me to laugh and you taught me. I could overcome anything.
I remember at Big Sur beach, I told you as I traced your skin with tender fingers. I love you my kind lady. You told me. “We cannot control fleeting love, we need belated kisses and somethings cannot be. You and I. We are Summer and Winter. Just seasons in the solstice of love. Dear Johnnie, can’t own the wind, can’t control the sea and love is never fair. We always love what we cannot have.”
I was leaving California, deployed to Texas. We broke bread on a Sunday in May, drank sweet wine and we make believe. We would never part.
I wrote some words for her.
“Take my hands, take my heart.
We loved, we die.
We danced, we cried together.
You saved me and I loved you more than the free highway.
You taught me dear love,
we can’t limit love.
Love is life, life is love.
You are my dearest treasure, my never ending wish to behold.”
Years later, I returned to Monterey in 2018. I took my shoes off and I stood in the cold Winter Pacific. I remembered my friends asked me. Where is your Julia? I smile and I told them. I never lost her, she was never mine to love. We were just, loaning and borrowing time.
And She taught me. Better to folic with the sea, better to share kisses than be afraid. Wise and brave people undress for the sea. They dance for the moon and allow the rage of the heart to come alive. The fool’s gold dreams may twist our hearts, but when you touched love, knew laugher and held someone tightly deep into the night. Love is our greatest gift we can share.