Father never cries


 Father never cries
(Written in November 1990)
My father never cries,
my father rarely smiled,
my father eyes turned darker,
because of life burden.
His body and heart gave-up in the battle of living.
One day, he got up and he left us.
When I was young,
I didn’t understand his ways,
I denounced his way of living and
I could never forgive him,
till life became a useless journey for me too.
I lost my dreams, I lost my hope and
the world kept pushing me backward.
I was trying to brake even and I learn my father’s sorrow.
I understood why my father lost his laughter, his smile.
For I found my father’s pain.
He was, just a man.
Trying to keep everyone happy and no-one gave dad something back.
He fought old wars every Friday night,
he held the rum tightly and he talked to ghosts.
I watched his life fall apart,
I saw his job took from him,
I saw his wife love turn to disappointment and
his sadness that his children with the bare essentials.
He was proud man,
who could find peace in the rum only.
It is too late to tell you my father.
Thank you for trying.
Now I know your pain,
your sadness.
I found my wars,
I learn my disappointments and now.
I wondered did you ever cry?
You would cry a river of pain and misery known.
But, you were just a man.
Who fought and fought till the rum finally killed you.
I hope in heaven,
you are surrounded by the soldiers,
laughing, talking and smiling.
You deserve some good days my father.
  Dancing Coyote