Dark interludes- A story
Facts or fiction. Love will bewitch us. A old friend of many years send me a letter with kind words of love at a desperate time in my life. I was dead in heart and mind. Her offered abated me to return to the hopefulness and the possibility of love. I devoured her words and I felt a wealth of joy being reborned.
I was so glad you came to see me at Eastern Michigan University. I enjoyed our three days together. Felt like the old days of High School. I loved how you held me without demands. You made me laugh and very content. I have known you for six years now. I know I’m not perfect. I want you to know. I love you. I have always loved you. You have always flattered me with kind and sweet words. You respected my want to be a virgin till marriage. I want to hear your hellos at my doors and for you to be forever in my life. If you do not feel the same. Please tell me the honest truth. If you love me like I love you. Return this Summer to me. I will be your lover forever dear Johnnie. I love you Johnnie.
Kisses and hugs
My life had been a chronicle of a man with too much appetite and never salvaged the real love. I allowed no-one in into my mind or heart for real. I didn’t believe in the immortal love of forever and I was restless and cold. I have learn too late love is now, not tomorrow. Her letter was short and sweet. Her statement demanding and honest. She was a Poet, like me. I was once told. Poets are liars, just people who whispered tales and story, true or not.
I did return home in January. I went home on leave for my Grandparent 50 year anniversary. Somehow Julie found out I was home and asked me to come see her at Eastern Michigan. I spend three days with her. Her kind brown eyes made me feel safe and content. We drank gallons of coffee and shared poetry and thoughts. We were not lovers. We held hands and talks of great dreams and places to be seen. I was a Soldier and she was studying to be a nurse. I held her nightly fully clothed and we shared many sweet kisses. She wanted love with no boundaries or limitations. I was a outcast in love and I wanted to leave her memories of a friend, not a thief of flesh and bone. I have known folly already. I left her in late January. We shared sweet kisses and we made no promises.
I went back to Germany. I had six months left of active duty and I would return home. I was trying to be good. I lessen my drinking and I qualifies for the long distance running team. I was running 8-10 miles daily. I wasn’t seeking love. Love was defaced by negative actions. Karma is a fair judge. I drank daily at the local Tavern and wrote poetry for love and for the dream of peace. I forgot about home for awhile. Late April 1980. I received the letter from Julie. Her words made me instantly feel hope. I yearned to return to her. Her beautiful face and the fragment of sweet flowers in her long brown hair and neck was awaken by the letter. She wrote with a force I didn’t know she had. I answered her as soon as possible.
I have received your letter. The letter was needed. I have known you for six years. We have grown-up together and we stand at a threshold of our life. I have painted false dreams and I don’t know if I have anything left. Now you are all I can think about. The mercy of your words have given me hope and new dreams. I saw you in January and I thought love was dead to me. Today your letter gave me need for your affection and sweet kiss. I do love you. I have loved you since the old days of High school. I yearn for the day to be able to fall into your arms and begin my time with you. I love you my Julie and miss you already.
All my love
My time was getting short in Germany. I was glad to escape her. She taught me a lot. I was smarter, not wiser. I received another letter from Julie.
I have received your letter and you made me very happy. I was glad you answered so quickly. I was embarrassed after sending the first letter to you. I thought I overstepped too many places and options. I was glad you responses with the return of love and care. I love you Johnnie. I can’t wait to see you in July. You are always on my mind now. I carry your letter with me always. This Summer during the break. I hope you can live with me. I have a small apartment in Ann Arbor and I will be working at the University Michigan Hospital. I don’t know your plans. Please tell me what you need. I love you, I love you Johnnie.
Love and kisses
I wrote her back.
I can’t wait to see you. You have given me reasons to be alive. You have been in my dreams since I received your letter. I do love you. I have always have. I remembering having a crush on you since ninth grade. You were always so smart and beautiful. You loved my poetry and I loved your words also. I want us to have long talks and walks like the good days. I dream of your soft brown eyes and long brown hair against me. I can’t wait till I can meet you again in Ann Arbor. I have saved enough money to survive the Summer. This will be our Summer. All my love to you my beautiful Julie.
I had many farewells to do. I had befriended many good people. I had lived for one year with two German girls. We were still friends because of similar friendship. Brigitte had came to be often to rebirth and savage us. I told her. You were a sweet love once. You deserve more than me. The parable of love is simple. You can’t return to the place you were. The gift and treasure of love peaks, than falls to disappointment. Old affection cannot be rebirth.
I went to say goodbye to my real first love. Daniela taught me what love and passion could be, than left me for I wasn’t prepared for a woman who wanted everything. I went to her apartment and she came out screaming and crying. She asked me. Did you come to laugh at me? He died in California and she fell into my arms crying. She raised her face and asked me. Did you come to pity me, feel sorry for me? I told her. I didn’t know. I don’t want no-one to die. I asked her. What do you need? She told me she needed cigarettes and whiskey. I went to the Army base and I bought the cigarettes and the whiskey. I went back to her with a consumed heart. I knew no words to calm her sadness. I had no love left for her. She left me for dead once. She wanted the wild side. Drugs, party and sex. I was a Soldier who followed rules and the regulations.
I stayed three days with her. We listen to Leonard Cohen and Elvis Presley. I held her like a small child. I caressed her hair and face as she cried herself to sleep nightly. I held mainly silence. We had little to say to each other. The whiskey gave her peace and I had no kind words of hope to give to her. I knew better to swim in sadness. Mourning is necessary. The heart must learn to understand. She asked me. Why was I kind to her? I broke your heart once. I told her. Life and love is fair. Something cannot be repaired. You were my joy and life once. You taught me burning and uncontrolled love lead to the altar of consume and demand. Where love will rise to temperatures hotter then the Summer sun burning heat. Love had no chance for we where young and fearless. We had no place to go except disappointment. I blame myself more than you. I wasn’t able to bend and flex to keep the love alive.
She smiled at me and she asked. Do you want to join me in the bed. Maybe find some kind of peace? I went to her and held her. I told her. You can’t snake charm a fool twice. No-more can I get shipwrecked in your warm flesh. We had our last grasp of love two year ago. I’m here for you and we are friends now. I’m here to keep you safe and sound. She laid her head in my lap and she fell asleep. I left her stronger than I found her. I knew mourning for love is forever, never forgotten.
At my going away party. Two ex-girlfriends and many friends. I told them. Thank you for the friendship and good times. I received the third and final letter from Julie.
Time had gone very quickly. I have been dreaming about us too. I’m so excited to be able to see you soon. You are always on my mind. I’m glad school is done. I love our new apartment. I will give you the address. We are near the forest and the river. We can take long walks and have many conversations. Many coffee shops for us to drink coffee and write. The apartment had a small porch. We can watch the sun rise and fall together. I love you Johnnie. I want us to forget the past and begin fresh and anew. I want us to enjoy the Summer together and do some traveling. I want us to swim in the nearby lakes and see the West Virginia mountains like you promised me year ago. I want us to be free and open to the emotion of love. I love and need you. Please call me as soon as you land at Metro. I will be waiting for your call.
Love and kisses
Dark Interludes (Ann Arbor)
last letter. June 1980
I received your letter. I’m looking forward to seeing you in Ann Arbor. I can’t wait to begin our new life together. I know we are older and we have changed since leaving our homes. I hope I’m good enough for you. In my eyes, you are the most beautiful girl I ever knew. I remember yearning to see you and hearing your voice when we were kids. You have become more beautiful and so smart. I will be home on July 3rd. I will call you from the airport. I love you my Julie. Thank you for being so kind to me.
All my love
I sat at my base at Panzer Kaserne and I was waiting for the bus to Frankfort. I had drank all night and I was barely awake after I said final goodbyes to my many good friends. I knew I would miss them. They were my family here in Germany.The bus ride to Frankfort was very long. We stopped at every base between Stuttgart and the Frankfort airport. I knew I would miss Europe. I saw 20 countries and I learn a lot in my three years being stationed in Germany. The airport was easy. I owned nothing. I had my clothing on my back and a few gifts and two duffel bags. My flights was from Frankfort to the Philadelphia airport was long. The Army had a bus waiting for us Soldiers. The bus took us to the final briefing. It was funny. The Army was recruited us to the last minute.
They offered bonus and choice of duty. I said no. I started my Army career at Fort Dix, New Jersey and ended it there. They gave us a plane ticket and our final pay. I was glad to leave Fort Dix. My time in the Army was done.
I arrived at the Philadelphia airport and I was already planning my life with Julie. I was trying to organize my thoughts and trying to figure out what I will say to her when I saw her. I have learned love is fair. Bad karma will come back to you in three-folds for your bad actions in love and life. I called Julie from the airport and I told her. I will be in Ann Arbor around 10 pm. I can’t wait to see you. She was happy and told me. I’m waiting baby. We will be okay. I will see you very soon.
I sat at the airport bar. I drank with other soldiers and business people waiting for planes. The world I left had changed and improved. I joined the Army in 1976. USA was in a deep depression. President Carter was trying to improve the USA with no success. I had no option but to join the Army. Was no jobs or opportunities. USA had improved. President Reagan had create instant growth and better economy. He made the country come alive and moving forward again. The business men told me. I would do fine. You are young and strong, military background. You have the tools for great things. I thanks them and I went to the final plane to Metro Detroit airport.
The flight to Detroit was quick. The plane landed and I got my duffel bags. I found a Taxi and asked how much to Ann Arbor? He told me $40 plus tip. I told him, okay.
It was a 1/2 hour ride to Ann Arbor. Darkness was coming quickly. The taxi took me to the cascade apartments. I paid the money and I thanks the driver. He saluted me and he told me. You are going to be okay son. Have some fun and enjoy the company of the pretty girl. He was a good man. He had survived Vietnam and his last words to me were. Forget the military. Life is hard enough.
I knocked at the apartment door. She opened the door. She was wearing a Summer dress and her skin was tanned golden brown. The Summer dress allowed me to see soft shoulders and perfect legs. I said hello. She fell into my arms and kissed my face and lips. I held her for many seconds. She gave me a long kiss and told me. Welcome home.