The daylight fading.


The daylight fading….

Once the most kindest woman in Texas weaved me a safe place to be. Dearest Jayne use to hold me tightly and she sang songs of love to me late into the midnight hours. I remember she left me breathless when she danced bare-ass and she held me, giving me warm and sweet kisses. I didn’t know I would miss her. 


I told the Johnnie Walker whiskey in the Austin Jazz club . I loved sin more than love, I loved the whiskey more than the sweetness of love embrace. I didn’t know. Broken heart ladies don’t forgive all things. The daylight is fading and I prayed to the whiskey. Where are you? Where are you my sweetest days, my Winter blessing, my Spring wish.


I remember in the Winter of 1995. Dear Jayne found me drinking alone. She asked me. Didn’t I tell you to wait for me after the poetry reading? Are you afraid of me? Why did you leave me waiting for you? Pretty ladies don’t wait for men. I looked at her and I adored her fiery hazel eyes, her ginger hair laying softly on her shoulders. Her tight blue jeans and demanding face. She was a Texas storm.


I told her.  Dearest Jayne, you don’t want a man who gave-in, gave-up. He liked the whiskey and he careless in love. Yes dear Jayne, I am afraid of you. You may teach me to fall into the carousel of love. She laughed at my words and she whispered me a prayer.


“One two three four, one two three four, one two three four, then a light swirl on the dance floor on a Friday night. We sins, we loved, we wanted everything, we  wanted nothing.


Life is just a rollercoaster  ride, where we can swim, we can drown. We can seek misery, we can seek kindness. We shall asked often.


Will I die for you, will I live for you? Did we love or did we steal? If we don’t loan and borrow kisses. Can sleeping heart know the gentleness of love touch?


One two three four, one two three four, one two three four. Please talk to me, please lay with me. I promise not to break your heart?”


She took my hands, entwining her soft finger into my fingers and she released my hands. She touched my face and she traced my face with her hands. She whispered. I see the anger, the sadness in your young face. I will to take you home and make you feel safe. Your poetry is the darkest and loneliness. I want to teach to see the light of hope. I smiled and I told her. No-one want a crying man. Beautiful Jayne. I will break your heart.


She laughed and she kissed my face and she whispered. Too late Johnnie. Old heart been broken a few times. Please quit the drinking and let’s go dancing. I promise to make you laugh and smile. And she did.


I left her in the Summer of 1996 for Honduras. She wrote me and I tried to write her. I slowly quit writing her and she didn’t. I spend one years with a medical team roaming the mountains of Honduras. The team gave the polio shots and the worm pills to the people in the high mountain and Islands. I loved the emptiness and the quiet. 


I didn’t call her and the bartender Paul told me. Slow down Johnnie. You are becoming a dumb ass and foolish again. Did you call Jayne? Paul was my friend for three year. I would come in early to the Jazz club and he was always kind to me. He loved Jayne. He told me once. If I broke her heart. He would break my head. He was a large Texas man with meaningful words for me. I told him, no. Dear Jayne need a good man. I don’t believe any good left in me. Paul reached over and he tapped my head hard and he told me. You are alright, you ain’t broke and you have all your body parts. Quit complaining and Jayne comes here on a rare occasion and she told me. You didn’t write her in six months. She didn’t give-up on you. He gave me a large Texas smile and he told me. I promised Jayne, if you appeared again. I would call her and I did. She is waiting at the door for you Johnnie.


I turned and I saw her. Soft tears fell from her beautiful face. I went to her and she held me tightly. She told me. I called your unit at Fort Hood. I thought you were dead. She kissed me often and I held her tightly. I told her.  I didn’t forget you Jayne. When I danced in the clouds on the Honduras mountain. I wished you were with me. When I was doing missions in Centro and South American. I thought of you before I found sleep. I didn’t want to worry you. Her eyes flashed with anger and she whispered. I needed to know you were okay. Are you okay? 


I told her. I am okay now. Do you have time for me? You are going to be a doctor, you are a poet, wonder and a miracle for our world. I didn’t want to slow you down. She took me to the Austin River and we drank some coffee. She whispered. You have my key to my house still, the bed is lonely and cold without you. You are my Michigan loco poet who can make me laugh and make my mind go wild. I bought many books for you to read to me. Please let’s begin today with some hope. Johnnie, I will take care of you.


The daylight was fading quickly and I told her. Tonight we shall dance, drink less and roam the old city. I want us to fall in love with you again. She gave me the prettiest Texas smile and she told me. Please Johnnie, let’s be kind to each other. I need someone to make feel like I am the only one. Can you do this? I kissed her and I said yes.


Dancing Coyote