If I could turn back time, I would.


If I could turn back time, I would…..

I called beautiful Brigitte at 3 am and I awoke her up in Böblingen in the early Fall of 1981, Germany. She answered with a gentle and sweet voice. Hello dearest Johnnie. Are you remembering me tonight? I told her. I was reading your letters tonight and I need you near. Do you miss me, like I miss you?


Brigitte held silence for a minute and she whispered. Come back to me in Germany. I have a apartment near the lake in Böblingen. I have a large bathtub and I need you to wash my hair and read poetry to me. The tub is large and you can join me now. The great ocean isn’t what is separating us. You must be brave, cross the sea and I would keep you warm and safe.
I told her. You saved me so often and I owe you a lifetime of kisses, a lifetime of laughter. I haven’t seen you in one year. I found good work and some wild friends. Could you come to me? We can do our midnight dances and I would hold you gently thru the night.


Brigitte begin to cry and she whispered. I am a German girl and I don’t need or want the confusion of the United states. Remember the May Festivals, we drank the cognac and we danced by the lake. No-one had loved me liked you loved me. I look at the photos of Tübingen, where you and I listen to Joan Baez. I remembered we slept in a sleeping bag near the river. Was a unforgettable night. My father had work for you and we could make the apartment perfect. I have a old record player and the records, you left with me. I play the Leonard Cohen songs at midnight and I remember us. How you would dried me off softly with the cotton towel and we would dance and kiss till we could not. I still have the small bed. Just a reminder of us. We didn’t need distance. We needed to feel our skin again skin. Please Johnnie. Almost October and we could go the Stuttgart October festival. Drink, sing and dance again.


I listened and I knew. Beautiful Brigitte, her last words. Kind, sweet and wonderful. Was still a goodbye. I told her. My love, my darling. I am needed here and I miss you so. Please don’t forget me and I love you so. She told me. I am easy to find. I am working as a nurse and I go to the lake daily. I drink my coffee and I go to our favorite bakery. I buy some sweets and I wish you were with me drinking coffee and talking. I love you Johnnie. Please don’t forget me. Goodbye my love..
I hung the phone-up and I drank the Johnnie Walker whiskey. I told the empty rooms, the crushing walls. Goodbye my sweetest days, my sweetest dreams.


I re-read Brigitte old letters five years later and I wrote to journal.


“If I could turn back time, I would…


Dearest Brigitte, the kindest and sweetest woman I ever known. I remember you and If I could turn back time, I would.

I should of ran to you, swam to you, took the first plane to Boblingen and waited for you by the small lake. You were my ambrosia, the kindest touch I ever known. Now I know. Someone lucky had your precious love and I have learn. You were a blessing and a miracle. If I could turn back time. I would of held and loved you, forever and a day. Never releasing you.


Wise men learn too late, time cannot be changed, love sweet is rare and when love is near. Don’t allow her to leave your life.”


You can’t return to a perfect place, time wait for no-one.


Coyote