The first time ever I saw your face…

The first time I saw your face…

I found lonely road and Godless heart. I was seeking good death and I was a leftover life waiting for no-one and nothing. I was roaming Highway one on the California coastline in 1992. Finding the Hemingway Road seeking good drink and the sea.

I went to Carmel, California  and I sat alone by the sea and I drank my tequila straight and the watched the waves dance and move on the free beach. I have been play hide and seek for many years. I left friends and family 2500 miles away trying to find the place where life begin and ends. I got lucky. Kind God of life and death took me to the beautiful Pacific.

Pretty lady sat with me, and she asked. Do you remember me? I remember you. I was the girl crying and alone at the Seaside beach. You bought me coffee and sang poetry of hope and love last Spring. You made me laugh and you made me feel I wasn’t alone. I have been looking for you. The coffee house girl called you the dark Poet. She told me. I would find you drunk on some beach nearby. She said your heart is broken but you wanted my heart to be okay.

I looked at her and I remembered her. I was half-drunk at the Seaside poetry reading and I saw a pretty girl alone crying in the Spring.  I sat with her, and I wrote her a poem and I gave the poem to her.

The first time I saw your face. I could not forget your beautiful face.
You made me wander and dream of perfect place and the utopia of the long embrace.
I dared to approach you and I sang this song to you.
Mistress love. Let’s dance and frolicked with the sea.
I love you lady; I love your joy and I love your laughter.
You became my first wish and my last wish.

I told her. I do remember you. You stayed heavy upon my mind. You became a needed muse.  Are you okay dear Laurie? She smiled and she told me. Where did you go? You promised me a second coffee and I couldn’t find you. The writers and the poets told me. You could be anywhere on Highway one. From San Francisco to Big Sur. You were drinking yourself to a slow and ugly death. You saved me with a poem and kind words. I cried for hours upon your shoulder, and you just listen and pay attention to my words. She handed me a letter and I read the words.

                      Please live….
I found a dead dark Poet in the chill of the Spring wind.
His words were warm and kind.
He caressed me like a child and he sang words of hope and love to me’.
He wanted nothing from me but a smile and some laughter.
He wanted to save me and he didn’t want to be saved.
I prayed the holy Pacific sea. Please allow me to find the dead poet.
Please gods of life and death. Teach him to live, not to find death.

I caressed her beautiful face and I whispered. The first time I saw your face. I knew.  You were a taste of sweet honey and kind heart. You were wildflower fields and the taste of sweet Summer wine. Men who had sinned and dared to go to dark and unknown places. Can they find peace or love dear Laurie? When I look into your serene and kind eyes. I want silk and satin dreams and to be forever in your eyes. Few men can find this fortunate place.

She took the tequila from me, and she tossed the bottle. She wrapped her arms around me, and she whispered a prayer to the sea.

Dear Pacific. Please heal our heart and mind.
Allow the madness to leave us and
for us to become like the willow tree.
Flexible and willing to survive the good and the bad day.
Teach us peace, teach us calm.

                       John Castellenas/Coyote