We will accept less and forget who we were…

We will accept less and forget who we were…

Mother Winter is here. I have driven 2500 miles to come home to Detroit. I came home for many reasons. I needed the kindness of my family near and I needed to find you dear Jenny.

I have turn less violence and less hateful. War taught me my anger wasn’t  my strength. Anger was my downfall. Years ago I ran from Michigan. I volunteers for war and dangerous missions and places. I was lucky. President Clinton send me on United Nation missions. I learn love and kindness is the weapon to stop hate and war. I assisted with medical, food and water missions in Africa and Asia. Simple actions like create shelters, feeding the hungry and helping the medics do what they could. The eyes of people living with so little and barely surviving. Taught me. My life wasn’t so hard.

I wanted to come home to Clinton, Michigan. I wanted to tell Jenny. I was okay and I never stopped loving her. I arrived outside her house. Sweet Jenny house had simple Christmas lights and I saw a large Christmas tree in her window. I sat outside and she came out with her daughter. Jenny and Tiffany danced and played in the snow. I saw a young man come out. They embraced and kissed. I turned on my truck. I backed out with the lights out and I escaped into the night. Jenny saw me and her eyes connected with my eyes and she looked down. She raised her head up and she smiled.

I left and I returned to Ann Arbor. I went to the Irish Pub and I ordered some Jack Daniels and a cold tap beer.  I sat with needed silence and I wrote down some words in my journal.
             We will accept less and forget who we were…
Once love was holy my dear Jenny. You came to me in the midnight hours in late Winter of 1988 and we opened the door to love. . Create want and desire and I knew. Love was delicious pain. I knew love denial was love alive. We pronounced love in silence prayers.

You were a perfect and wild beauty. I was a man lost in work and forgotten dreams. The mercy of love blessed us and we longed and learned what lovers keep safe and secure in their secret place. Our time was short and our time was a lifetime. Tonight I raise my glass to a perfect memory. Once eloquence lady blessed me with kiss and embrace.

Life, war and regret had taught me. We will accept less and forget who we were. Tonight I learn to accept less.

I sat for three hours at the Irish Pub. Drinking and writing.  I felt eyes upon me. I turned and I saw Jenny near. She ran to me and she embraced me and kissed my lips. She asked me. “Why did you run away again? Why do you never face me? ” I held her embrace tightly and I told her.

Irony of life is fair dear Jenny. You have found safe place and love. I create enough chaos for you already. I came back for personal need and wish. Wishing wells dreams are my wealth. You have what you need and I’m a rolling stone with no final resting place. I wanted and needed a final goodbye dear Jenny. We departed without words of hope or separation. I needed ending and final words.

Jenny face become wet with soft tears and she whispered. You will a wildflower dying in a locked room and I was a dreamer of great dreams. You broke free and saw the world. I settle for less. I do think of you. I know you are traveling the world and writing great words and song. Some of us are destine to accept less and people like you Johnnie. Need long highways, new cities and strong whiskey. I love you Johnnie and I knew. You loved the road more than me.

I kissed her a hundred times and I told her. I did a liar prayer often for you and I’m glad you have found safety and love. Tonight I wanted to tell you. I’m okay and I never have forgot your beautiful face. I came home to Detroit to tell you goodbye and thank you. I volunteered for South American and I needed to see your face one more time.

Jenny looked very sad and she told him. I’m sorry Johnnie. Sweet dream are made to be broken. Love is fragile and painful. I had found a kind man and I have never forgotten us. You made me feel invincible and taught me the elixir of love was so damn sweet.

We departed the Irish Pub. Her last words never forgotten. Please Johnnie. Let’s stay friends. Sometimes we must accept less or more. Please seek life over death.

I got back on highway 94 west and I felt tears falling. I whispered to the moon and the stars. Goodbye dear Jenny. Last kiss, last wish must die with mercy. I told the night moon.  We can never win and sometime we believe we can win.

                            John Castellenas/Coyote