Promises and wishes’

Promises and wishes

“I loved you since the first day I met you. You became my dream the day you walked into my business and life. Auburn hair and long legs. Sweet smile and voice like sweet candy. “I whispered these words in the Asia desert and on top of the Honduras mountains in the clouds. I descended from war and you were my last prayer and newest prayer.

Promises made, promise not forgotten. I joined a war to escape your memory. I spend six months on the border of Iraq and I thought and dreamed of you. You dancing nude to the songs and I was a observer of perfect body and amazing laughter in the safety of my private room. I didn’t know you would haunt me forever.

The war ending and I arrived home in the Winter of 1992. I found you again. Old friend had your phone number and I called to see if you remembered me? I called you at your home and you requested me to come to you. I arrived in Clinton, Michigan to a small apartment. You opened your door and I saw you wearing a t-sheet, tanned, tender and long legs, long auburn hair and kind smile of welcome. You came to me and embraced me. You whispered. Johnnie, I’m glad you are alive and well. I have prayed for you and thought of you often. I heard you went to war. We sat and talked till the morning hours. We fell together on your soft bed and held embrace like old lovers.

I awoke in the late morning and you walked into your bedroom. You walked to me like a perfect woman and goddess. Moving your hips like the perfect waves of the afternoon sea. Wearing black hosiery and short black dress. Your blouse making your robust breast stand out and tempting. You took me back to the nights where I traced your bare skin, kissed and adored your hidden places. You stirred-up unrestrained places where lovers find peace in intimate dance and sweet kiss. Where passion was wild and free.

You asked me. Do I look nice? I told you. You are a natural and timeless beauty. Your charm can render me weak and you could re-capture my heart with a simple request. You are beautiful and perfect. You fell into my embrace and you whispered. I’m happy you are with me Johnnie. Me and sweet Jenny drank coffee together and she told me of her dreams. She was going to school to be a nurse and had a child. she told me. I’m single and I have accepted being alone to gather my thoughts and life.

Your eyes, hazel green and beautiful looked into my eyes. Asked me to stay with you while I was on leave. I said yes, with a liar heart. I know the bone-yard of love is filled with foolish men accepting deluded love and I understood. Some woman are filled with dangerous  rage and love to feast on love. Some women are cold and destined. They have accepted the broken glass heart and they are lost forever. Just accepting enough to fulfill the need of the body to have something to embrace for a time. They have accepted solitude. I saw this is Jenny eyes and touch.

I stay one month with her. We had great talks, laughs often and our love was wild and free. I loved when she crossed her long legs over my legs on her love seat and we watched the television in silence. I saw happiness in her eyes and the need for me to stay and leave at the same time. The sad place where twisted lover can find and go. I left her in late December and Jenny had soft tears falling. She knew this was our last dance of life shared. We were two strangers in the night seeking little and wanting everything. We didn’t say good-bye. These words left people empty and forgotten. We endured the feast of a weary love, fulfilling seconds, minutes and hours, knowing these would become sacred places where lovers can dream and dance. I hid my emotion and I thanks her. I told her she was my first and last love. We held kiss and embrace like we were never planned to return to the same place. We both knew. This was our last chance and neither of us were brave enough to beg and demand love.

I drove down highway 94 with tears falling. I knew I allowed a sweet dream to die without a proper fight.


John Castellenas/Coyote